Case Study #5: Rick Perry

Dear Gov. Perry:

That's not Jesus telling you to run for President. That, my friend, is your EGO.

Jesus sounds like this: "Hey, Rick, how ya doing? Just checking in with you to remind you that you are called to love me above all else, and to love your neighbor as yourself. I know it's hard. Just keep trying. Love ya, Rick."

Your ego sounds like this: "HEY, RICKY-BOY!!! HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW TOTALLY AWESOME YOU ARE? WELL, YOU ARE! AWESOME! AND COOL! AND REALLY FRICKING SMART! BRILLIANT, AS A MATTER OF FACT! YOU ARE CALLED TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!! YOU NEED TO BE THE RULER OF THE FREE WORLD! YEAH, BABY!!!!" (I used all caps, because your ego shouts a lot.)

I know it's easy to confuse the two sometimes. I'm glad we could clear that up.

Keepin' it real,

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

Case Study #4: RaisingHomemakers.com

Who are these women? I roll my eyes when I hear creepy misogynistic Jesus double talk from men because, well, I've come to expect it. But coming from women? Mothers referring to their own daughters and how "lovely" and "sweet" and "biblical" it is to force adult daughters to remain in their "father's care" and "serve" him until they are married....well, that's abusive folks. And, frankly, it's just gross. I'm not afraid to call a spade a spade (that rhymes!).

So I guess the 10 Commandments are:
1) Thou shalt not use birth control.
2) Thou shalt homeschool all children.
3) Thine womenfolk shall not aquire education beyond homeschool graduation.
4) Thou shalt not reveal cleavage. Or legs above the ankle. Or belly buttons. You get thou art's gist.
5) Women, thou shall serve your husband and, if your father hasn't found your husband yet, your father.
6) Commandment #5 above includes sex, at thine husband's whim and mercy.
7) Thine womenfolk shalt not obtain gainful employment unless in the furtherance of these commandments.
8) Thou shalt be "sweet."
9) Thou shalt memorize the book of Titus.
10) Thou shalt vote republican.

Do you think they are as intrigued by the similarities between their rules and the Taliban's as the rest of us? Probably not.

Case Study #3: Michele Bachmann

Given pray-the-gay-away-gate, and that wacky husband of hers, Michele Bachmann was just too easy to list. Until she said this. She claims her comment was in jest, so I guess there's a chance she's more complete moron than bat shit crazy. Wait, no....I take that back.

Case Study #2: The Pearls

I know we shouldn't cast pearls before swine, but I wouldn't mind tossing these two child-abusers-for-Jesus into the pig pen. Take a look at that picture. They picked that one....because they thought it was good. Oh. My.

Case Study #1: This Kid's Parents

This kid is 4. He's a preacher. A pentecostal preacher. Obviously.

Take a look at the video at about 48 seconds in when his mom, Kandi (yes, Kandi) smacks the sh*t out of the poor little guy when he tries to put his foot on the table. That's when she knows the camera is rolling.

I wonder how they get him to perform....